A Season of Waiting
"Lord what am I supposed to do? How is this going to work? Help me replace the object of my wait with you, the God of my faith." - Wendy Pope
I'm currently participating in an online bible study with Proverbs 31 ministries. We're basing our current study on the book Wait and See by Wendy Pope. As a premed student, I use the verb "participating" loosely because with a busy schedule, I have to literally sketch out a time in my weekly calendar to sit down and simply read this book. And I'd like to admit, it's been among the most well-spent moments of my life.
I'm momentarily enduring a long season of waiting. And I advise you, that if you also are in a season of waiting, to read this book. Wendy Pope has helped me search for comfort and peace in God's plans rather than residing in my doubts and fear of the future.
I'm a 3rd year pre-med student at the end of her first semester of a vital and rigorous year. I'm swamped with preparations for the MCAT as well as the GRE. On top of that, I'm enrolled in a program that has been termed the nickname 'mini grad school'. Our Molecular Biology professor (who's also responsible for Genetics, Biochemistry, and Human Diseases) even admitted that your 3rd year in this premed program is the year that determines whether or not you're "cut out" for medical school. (Encouraging, I know) And then there's the list of extracurriculars that should "boost my resume".
Now I'm not exactly complaining, I'm just overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the list of assignments, the treacherous scientific poster, the research paper presentation, the efforts in fundraising for my PERU mission trip, a side project for the doctor of Quality Control in the hospital next door, my extroverted personality (which causes me to voluntarily take on projects, like calling prospective students for the Recruitment Department of my college).... but most of all, I'm overwhelmed by the amount of drive this route demands. And all this is done because I'm equipping myself (and 'fortunately', my resume) for what I think God has planned for me.
When I reflect on this semester, I realize that I'm quite proactive during this season of waiting. Sadly, it's not the good type of proactive. I'm biting off way more than I can chew because of the fear that I may not be good enough for medical school or PA school if I don't take on these projects.
The worst situation is when you know you're just not competitive enough but every exit door you try to open seems to be blocked. I'm constantly surrounded by a cloud of what if's.
- What if all my efforts are wasted?
- What if I can't do anything with my bachelor's degree in Human Biology?
- What if I don't get accepted into a program? Then where do I go? What do I do?
- What if my family becomes disappointed and rejects me if I don't get into 'our' dream school?
Wendy Pope's book helps me focus on my Creator and all the victories that He has given to those in the Bible. Psalms 138:8 says The LORD will work out his plans for my life--for your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever. Don't abandon me, for you made me. God has an amazing plan for me. He won't abandon me because I'm loved by Him. By the One who made me according to His image.
When you enter a rigorous program and career route, you're bound to have uncertainty, doubt, anxiety, fear ... but like David, I realized that I just need to rest in God's faithfulness and promises, instead of demanding to know God's timeline. 'Waiting on God isn't wasting time. It's training time.'