I'm Not Good Enough


In my 20 years of life, I've found that the worst feeling in the world is knowing you did the best you could and it still wasn't good enough.


Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has their flaws. Everyone has, is, and will hit rock bottom at some point in their life in order to do a complete 180 and realize that they were en route to hopeless despair. When I reached that point in my life, I realized that the person I saw in the mirror was someone I looked at merely with disgust. I was ashamed and humiliated. With each passing moment, I felt such disgrace with the person that I was.



The best thing about life? You have the power to change yourself and become the person that you know you truly are.


But the worst thing about life? When you've finally achieved the 180 and is still striving to become a better person, but in every situation and circumstance you find yourself in in life, people seem to never let you forget who you were in the past. The mistakes you made. The flaws you had. They seem to constantly dismiss your efforts and desires to become even slightly worthy of being called "changed".


Tell me,

How would you feel if at every moment of your life, you're constantly reminded of your deepest, darkest secrets and mistakes?

How would you feel if every good thing in your life had the opportunity to be shut down before it was even given to you?


How would you feel if you were constantly reminded that no matter what,

you

are

not

good

enough?


How would you feel if you realized that certain people, certain situations, certain circumstances will make sure that you will never forget that despicable moment of your life?


I wanted people to trust me, despite anything they'd heard. And more than that, I wanted them to know me. Not the stuff they thought they knew about me. Or the stuff that they conjured up about me based off of what they heard. No, the real me. I wanted them to get past the rumors, to see beyond the relationships that I once had.


It's difficult, I won't lie. And there are moments in my life now where all I want to do is shut down, curl up into a ball, and just hibernate in my room. But what I found comfort in and continually find comfort in is that yes, I was hurt. Yes, I was broken. But I put myself back together. I glued the pieces back together.


The best thing about life? I found who I was and found comfort not in that I'm not good enough, but I'm made good enough by the grace of God. And by the grace of God, I'm becoming the woman He designed me to be.


Accept struggles. Accept change. Accept the fact that by God's grace, we all are capable of becoming the very creation that He intended us to be.


Love,

Cheya

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