The Inevitable Part of Life
"Never explain yourself to anyone. Because the person who likes you doesn't need it, & the person who dislikes you won't believe it."
Regardless of what you do in life, people will make commentary remarks about your choices and actions, whether good or bad. It's inevitable. One of the best advice that was ever given to me is if I want to do or create anything valuable in this life, I'll have to be at peace with the fact that I may upset some people. In fact, any great work will 100% stir a great deal of emotions and drama, and what I've learned is that that's not always a bad thing. It's actually a wonderful thing. It's all part of the package of living a genuine and authentic life. I've learned and am still learning that other people's criticism comes from their own fear and insecurities. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. As long as you are sure of who you are, other people's opinions do not matter.
I can't explain just how much of a people pleaser I am. There was a point last semester where I was just so overwhelmed that for a month or two, I hid myself in my room and just kept to myself. Over the past year, I've gotten better. But it's difficult, I won't hide that. It's almost as if it's a constant battle found deep within. When I do all that I can to please friends and acquaintances, my family is unhappy. When I do all that I can to please my family, I'm unhappy. When I do all that I can to please any one but myself, I'm miserable. But when I've finally had enough, I do what makes me happy, then every one is unhappy which breaks my heart. It's a vicious cycle that only you can break.
At the end of the day, I'm the one who's going to be paying the bills. I'm the one who's going to be making a living. I'm the one who will be going to the office every day, or wearing scrubs and working three 18-hour shifts a week, or taking care of my kids while my husband brings home the bread. At the end of the day, the people that surrounds me are not the ones who will live my life in the future. They are not the ones enduring every tear and heartache. I am. So when I focus on me, and what I care about, and all that with way less stress, I've found that I feel at peace. Because I'm still in the process of learning all this, (and I personally don't think anyone will ever be 100% okay of 'not caring' because that also could be detrimental), I often only experience a momentary, almost fleeting peace. But I've gotten better, I've put myself at top priority. I'm barely 20 years old, there is so much out there for me that wasting time and energy on people that don't genuinely have the best intentions for me would be pitiful.
Yesterday, someone had said to me, "You care so much about others. Sometimes even almost to the point where you let yourself get the short end of the stick. Too much that I want you to change because if you break, if you hit that rock bottom, it will be hell to heal." They're right. I've hit rock bottom. But this is a whole different rock bottom. One that I might not heal from. One that would just take every energy and ounce of good out of my body. I responded by saying, "I just wish people minded their own business and if they had opinions, they would keep it to themselves." But then I thought about it, and now, I would much rather have ridiculous and unnecessary comments flying my way. The little comments and smirks I often hear and the unthinkable rumors that find their way to me are only fuel for me to keep on truckin' towards my dreams.
It's a long learning process. That's just what life is. The good thing is, you're not alone. You're never alone. Something I had to learn and accept was that I had people who cared. Yes, I had enemies, and then I had people who really were just irrelevant but for some reason wanted to get under my skin, but I was also surrounded by lovely people who genuinely wanted me to succeed, and wanted me to find happiness. It's easy to only think of the negative portions, than the positive. Remember, you'll always have those that care.