We Can't Believe Everything We Think
Everyone talks about how going to a mission trip changes your life. Leaving that Tuesday, my heart was in a place of numbness. These past few months I have struggled with the dissonance between what I know and what I feel, and because I haven't felt God's presence, I've let myself grow distant from Him. I let my heart be pulled away because I didn't feel the full satisfaction of His face. And in honesty, I went to the Peru mission trip feeling very little of that.
For that amount of time, I heard a lot of lies. As I stood to serve in the clinics, to worship in the evenings, to let my heart ache in response to the little Peruvian children, I could hear my enemy telling me the hypocrite that I was. The double life I was living. How my heart wasn't in it. That I was just going through the motions. And then my heart realized something. Not everything we think is the truth. We can't believe everything we think.
So I decided to worship. Every day I woke up in the heat of Iquitos, Peru, and worshipped. Not out of feeling, but out of proclamation over my life. Because sometimes, we just do not feel in love with God. But we have to quit living like that. We have to make a decision to worship.
During my time in Peru, I didn't see what God was doing in my own life. But I know that the experience changed my life. How? Because last night and this morning alone with Him... I spent time with my God who I hadn't genuinely poured my heart out to in months.
Just know He is bringing you through doubt and darkness, but you have to make a choice to come out. Don't let what you have or haven't done - don't let how you feel - and don't let what you think dictate your relationship. In Peru, I made the decision to let the facts show me how to feel. Not my experience, not my thoughts, but past events. In my life, and in others.
When I look back at the trip, I could see that God was in control. He was and is in control of the lives of the Peruvians. And He is in control of my life. And yours.
My greatest lesson in life: Decide to be enveloped in the palms of His embrace, no matter how incredibly hard it might feel and no matter how far your heart has strayed from Him, shut your feelings out and look at the facts. Look at what God has done for you. And for people just like you in the Bible.